For you, I'd die
by Mochizombie
Summary: No good way to summarize this but I will warn there is suicide, loss, depression. Please please please do not read if any of these are triggers for you! LxLight, no smut, lots of emotion. Written as a method of venting my depression.
**TRIGGER WARNING!**

 **This fanfic contains suicide and loss, if that bugs you please don't read.**

They found his body lying cold, still, on the bed of the hotel room he had escaped to. In one hand he held a note, clutching to it dearly in his final moments. In his other hand, he held the weapon, just a dull kitchen knife he'd managed to steal from somewhere before he came to this room. The knife was covered in blood, his blood, it was beginning to dry on the blade. Blood always looked less elegant this way, as it began to chip and discolor itself. And somehow he was able to do it, to overcome his base instincts and draw that now very unattractive blade solidly across his throat, horizontally. He was laying down when it happened too, you could tell by the way the blood had flowed down the sides of his neck rather than down the front of him.

Light looked up at the ceiling fan that hang from the wall just above Ryuzaki, wondering what he was thinking in his last moments. Light knew he was close to catching him, catching Kira, so why now? Was it really murder? No matter how he tried he just couldn't imagine why Ryuzaki would do himself in, especially like this. His face, it looked so pale, Light didn't know it could become that pale, it terrified him.

A police officer gently pried the note from Ryuzaki's hand and carefully unfolded it, being sure not to damage it so it could be used for evidence. A solemn, disappointed look crossed over the officer's face and he looked to Light, sighing softly, "Put some gloves on, you're going to want to read this." His tone was gruff but apologetic. Without thinking Light quickly put on the latex gloves that were handed to him and took the note. He began to read it:

 _This is the end of me._

 _I can't keep up this charade any longer, I'm becoming mad._

 _I am Kira._

 _All those deaths. It was me. Always me. And you all played into it so nicely. Trust L, it could never be him, he's going to save us all. All the while I laughed at your impotence. I killed anyone who got in my way._

 _Now cherish me, for I am your God._

 _L_

 _Kira_

Suddenly the room seemed to spin around him and he became faint, almost like his body was floating, weightless from his disbelief. 'What? What was he thinking? Why did he do this? He's not Kira, he's not!' thoughts like this cascaded through Light's mind as an internal panic sent in. Light handed the note silently back to the officer. "Looks like Kira is dead." The officer surmised, folding and sealing the letter in a plastic evidence bag and marking it so. Light took one last, heartbreakingly long look at Ryuzaki before turning away and leaving the officers to clean up the crime scene.

Light stepped up to his house and tried to coax a normal look to his face before entering, Sayu immediately pelleting him with questions. He evaded every one cleverly enough she didn't catch on and headed up to his room, slowly climbing the stairs, all his energy leaving his body as he came to his door. He was about to open it when he saw the pencil lead he kept in it broken and lying on the ground. Curious, he opened his door and stepped inside, making sure to shut it before beginning to look around. He didn't even notice Ryuk right away, his eyes training on something more out of place.

An open bag of his favorite chips, of Ryuzaki's favorite chips lie open on his desk, but inside there were no chips, but a folded up piece of writing paper. He moved to his desk and sat down in his computer chair before tentatively grabbing the paper and unfolding it to read it. As he began to read it his heart twinged with pain.

 _Light,_

 _Too much is known, I have to leave you before I can do any damage to you._

 _I love you._

 _L_

Light cupped a hand around his mouth and Ryuk could notice his shoulders shaking as he was faced away from him and he tilted his head curiously as to why. Had Light suddenly snapped? He thought that could be fun. Suddenly Light opened his desk furiously, taking the Death note from its hiding place and throwing it to Ryuk, who caught it lazily and gave Light an even more confused look. 'He's... crying?' he asked himself in disbelief. But it was true, wet streaks ran down his cheeks and his eyes were watery and red, "Take that notebook away from me, leave this world with it, never drop it here again."

He didn't expect for the shinigami to actually listen to him, seeing as he never truly has before, especially when it doesn't benefit him. But Ryuk surprised him by shrugging and beginning to fly, "This was getting boring anyway, you humans get way too emotional." And with that he was gone, leaving Light to sulk alone in his room. He clutched the note as tightly as Ryuzaki had to his fake confession, holding it close to him, treasuring it. To do that for him? He couldn't fathom it. He knew he was Kira, and to protect him he framed himself, after trying so hard to destroy Kira.

His shoulders began to shake again as he laid on his bed, but this time it was from laughter. It began soft and subtle but soon turned into a boisterous noise that could fill the whole house, a maniacal, demonic laughter. He laughed so hard his gut hurt, and tears ran endlessly down his face, still clutching the note so dearly. He would join Ryuzaki soon, in the cold, sweet nothingness.

 **This is what my brain comes up with at 1 in the morning when I'm battling with depression. Let me know if you like my work, if so I'll try to write more often, I find it's a good outlet for me.**

 **Also if you are struggling with loss, depression, suicidal thoughts, or any kind of negative anything please hang in there, I know it's said too much anymore but things really do get better. I used to be a nothing my whole life and was always depressed and harming myself. I've always thought I was useless. But now I know better, years down the road and I have a beautiful baby boy, family and friends that love me, a good job that I am very very good at. It all works out. I still struggle with depression, as you can tell, but if you just muddle through and overcome life has an amazing way of rewarding you for your strength. And anyone who battles depression is strong, even when they can't see it, so never lose faith and try to learn to love yourself and find methods of coping like writing or drawing what your feeling. The world needs your beautiful mind.**


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